Personal Narrative
In the yard, with crying eyes, [your] father and [your] mother, may she rest in peace, were waiting for us. I knew that they also took them from their home and was glad to see them. She called me aside to let me know that she wanted to talk with me. The poor thing asked me with much blame in her voice, why I did not kill Ágika [born August 8, 1941, now age 2]. If she would have asked me why I did not commit suicide together with the child, I would not have been surprised, but her question repulsed me. I asked her what she thinks your reaction would be if I had acted as she expected me to act, she said "God bless you for it." (I am convinced she planned to commit suicide from the first moment on, but did not have the strength of mind to carry it out.)
Our position here was deplorable, we were lying on the dirty ground near the filthy, loathsome latrines. Partially because my nerves could not stand the inactivity, and partially because I wanted to gain some advantage, I went to the work at the hospital. The so-called "hospital" was in an attic of the brick factory, with rain coming in. The overcrowded sick were suffering on the floor. Even a minimal degree of hygiene could not be provided for them. I worked at this place voluntarily from morning until night, carrying the stinking pots and trying to ease the burden on the many poor sick and suicidal patients. Of course, even these eight days were full of anxiety. On an average, twice daily the approximately 10,000 people were commanded to gather around the chimney of the factory to be warned that, since they have new data, everybody should come forward to admit where they were hiding their valuables. If they confess now, they will have no problems, but if they do not, nothing will save them from a gunshot.
The biggest panic was caused by the following story. After the German officer took jurisdiction over us, presidents of the Jewish congregations were demanded to supply a list of people who were below age twelve and above age fifty. We learned about this only after we were gathered around the chimney again and names on the list were read. Our parents and Ágika were on the list. I was not. This may have meant that they would be taken to Poland and I to Germany. Naturally, we only learned about this later. My only concern was to stay together with our parents and with the light of my eyes, my Ágikám. While I never had more will to live than in those dreadful days, I would have rather accepted death, but together with them. The following day some modifications were adopted and, with some help, I was able to get on the same list with them.
